Short Autoethnography

• Pheasant Hunting Autoethnography by Julia Barnett
  

          For people who are not accustomed to hunting culture, the normality of hunting may be out of their comfort zone. However, the nature of hunting, especially pheasants, in South Dakota has been present for generations. South Dakota is one state which extensively promotes the killing and consumption of an official state bird according to observations from “The History of Pheasants in South Dakota” (as cited in Errington, F., & Gewertz, D. 2015, p 404). In text, it appears to be paradox, and the question is why would South Dakotans take part in killing the bird that represents their state? It can be answered in familiar terms of hunting relationalities according to South Dakota Historical Society (as cited in Errington, F., & Gewertz, D. 2015, p 404):

          The opening weekend of the hunting season is filled with good food, good dogs, and good tales of previous hunts. It’s the story of how enduring friendships are built upon common interests, and how the tradition of hunting still serves as an important rite of passage into adulthood. It’s passing down from one generation to the next the essential values of good sportsmanships: respect for nature and sharing abundance. [Thus] the immigrant bird has made good in a big way. (p 404)

          It is truly a tradition passed on from parents to children and then their children, which as a tradition embodies a multidimensional experience and may even go as far to evoke “alternative forms of human-nature relations” according to Ghassan Hage (as cited in Errington, F., & Gewertz, D. 2015, p 406). Ever since I was young, going to the hunt was always something my immediate family looked forward to. It is an opportunity to see our family who we don’t see on the daily basis because we don’t live near each other. When speaking to my relative, Martin, who was raised and still lives in South Dakota, he feels that, “ it really does bring people closer together.” Martin’s dad owns the land which we all hunt on, so he has been to almost all of the annual hunts.

          My dad would go pheasant hunting when he was younger and at the time it was just his brothers and his dad. Now, years later, the family has grown significantly and usually we get to see my dads brothers and their wives, their children, and their children's children. As we have grown up, it’s fun to see the younger children entertaining themselves in the same way we did when we were their age. Martin has a daughter who he has been taking to the hunt since she was three and another relative, Rebecca who is also from the state mentioned her experience with Martin’s six year old daughter for the hunt this past year. “So many of the things she was doing, I have memories of doing that exact same thing. We were walking through the field and she had a dead pheasant in her arm, and she would say, “oh this is the prettiest little thing! I just love it! Oh it’s so pretty! It’s the best turkey I have ever seen!” she was petting it like it was her doll, and I thought oh my gosh that is totally what I did!” For many people this would be absurd, but for us, it is certainly not unusual.

  
  
  
• Transfer Students at DU Halloween
  

  Transfer Students: Autoethnography

  By Katherine Davis

  August 2015: move-in day at Pennsylvania State University. Standing outside of Pinchot Hall in State College, Pennsylvania with a cart full of all my belongings and excitement for a new start. With ten coed floors, I was ready to meet people and live my best life yet. All the stories and preconceived conceptions of what college should be like seemed so close, but that’s not exactly what happened. After a bad roommate situation, continuing feelings of inadequacy, and feeling out of touch with my true self, I finished out my freshman year. With the hope that sophomore year would be different, I returned in the Fall. To my disappointment, sophomore year did not turn out like I had hoped. I lived in an apartment with three crazy roommates who were not good influences for me. Did we have an awesome fall semester? Yes, but I was in a self-detrimental cycle of destruction. Sleeping all day, watching Netflix, and skipping classes; I had zero drive. Just before the end of the semester, I called my mom in hysterics and the next day she picked me up.

  I spent the next year and a half working two jobs, traveling and becoming an EMT. Through my hiatus from college, I found myself, my passion, and motivation. As I got off the plane from traveling throughout Portugal, I opened my email to see confetti falling from the screen and the words “Congratulations on your acceptance into the University of Denver.” That’s when everything fell into place.

  One of the biggest struggles that transfer students face is the concept of “transfer shock.” This theory refers to the academic drop in GPA during the first year of transferring (Hills, 1965, p. 2).  During an observation of transfer students at the University of Denver, a transfer student stated, “I have a D in two of my classes, and it reminds me of what I was like at my old school. I hope I don’t have to transfer again.” This vivid and open statement from a recent transfer student explicitly aides to the argument that transfer students need more help. Transfer students are also at the most risk for transferring again (Dai, Li, 2010, p. 210). Universities need to be more understanding and accommodating to the transfer student community to help keep students from transferring again. Another transfer student, Megan also has a scholarship in which she needs to get a GPA of at least 3.5 or her scholarship will be dropped. Academic stressors can be very taxing to couple with a first-year transfer student. The decision to leave a university is an extremely stressful process. Terms like “drop-out” are often associated with students who leave their university and do not immediately transfer to a new university (Santos, 2007, p. 37).

  Although academic success and social influences are an essential aspect of transfer students’ transitions, the mental health problems that can form pose a major concern. In a study comparing transfer students to native students who sought out therapy, transfer students showed many more symptoms and feelings of sadness, loneliness, stress, and anxiety (Daltry & Mehr, 2016, p. 263). One possible reason for this might be found in answering why students transferred in the first place. Depression and anxiety are some of the most common symptoms felt by students. At the start of 2011, 38 percent of students transferred from their original institution. That is a total of 1,069,243 transfer students (Shapiro et al., 2018). Studies on transfer students’ acclimation to a new university have just recently become a focus for many researchers.

  When deciding to attend DU, and the months leading up to the start of school, familiar feelings emerged: self-doubt, insecurities about “starting over” again and fear of repeating my past mistakes. I remember my mom telling me, “wherever you go, there you are.” She was telling me that a fresh start would be good for me because I would get a second chance to rewrite my story.

  Like many transfers, Megan felt the pressure of transferring to be very stressful. She also mentioned that, “I was nervous to transfer for fear of the same things I experienced at my old school happening to me here at DU.” Megan believes that DU did an excellent job in terms of the transfer process. They were very supportive and made the stressful transition much less taxing than she expected. She mentioned that DU created a place where finding community was easy. She stated that her previous institution did support her mental health: “my professors made sure we were aware of mental health resources.” During the interview, Megan stated that at her previous university, “counselors were required to check in on students weekly” until the student notified the counselor that they no longer needed help. Megan described her mental health at DePaul as a 3, and her mental health here at DU as a 5.

  Like myself, Megan lives in the Transfer Living Community (TLC) on campus. Megan’s experience with the TLC have been “amazing.” At her old institution, Megan lived in a dorm with roommates that lived in the area and frequently left.” She expressed feelings of being “alone” compared to here.  At DU, the TLC has created an environment where she feels like she always has people to talk to and “never feel[s] alone.” Megan is very happy to be here at DU and feels excited to call DU “home.”

  Since the start of my chapter at DU, I finally felt that there was something to look forward too. When I first moved into the Transfer House, I immediately felt at home. Everyone was open and ready to meet new people.  I was finally having conversations with people that were anything but superficial. I remember the first night, everyone in the house played an ice breaker game of “two truths and a lie.” There was not one person that I did not want to get to know better. Living and surrounding myself with all different types of people with the same thing in common allowed me to break down my inhibitions, hesitations and fears of a Penn State repeat. Although I struggled with deciding to return to school, coming to a place where there are no judgements has transformed me into a better version of myself.
• Mixed Media, Mixed Me: Multiethnical Artists Autoethnography by Jessica Hudson
  

  There is a popular saying that art is a forum for change – that as a piece is exposed to the world, it can bring not only social awareness to the issues at hand, but do so in such a way that it is not intimidating to discuss the deeper meanings, rather it is seen as more inviting and beautiful. As the world continues to move forward into a more progressive society, cultural boundaries no longer define what someone is ‘allowed to’ enjoy or what type of media they can consume or where they ‘technically’ belong. In this way, there are various artists throughout all walks of life that recognize there is a common problem many multiethnical people face every day – there is not truly a place where blended individuals are accepted anywhere in the world – and they are trying to create a space for awareness and acceptance of all multiethnical people through the power of art.

  In the social sphere, there seems to be an overwhelming presence of rejection towards mixed-races – whether it be the sentiment that people of mixed origins should identify with one category or the other, or that people feel uncomfortable with the idea of anybody not fitting into those categories. In an interview Lenny Kravitz took part in, he revels how producers in the 80s told Kravitz that his music was not ‘black enough’ to fit one genre or ‘white enough’ to fit another – claiming they would love to sign him but establishing restrictions due to the fact that his music was not what fit the musical realm of what was accepted as already-good music (Chozick, 2013).

  How can a simple box identify an entire grouping of people if the others create a more exclusive category? We become the forgotten ‘few’ that are not a mix of this or that, but rather just non-exclusively one or the other. Our cultures are lost in sea of other ‘two or more races’. There isn’t even an isolation of biracial versus multiracial, which only further blurs the lines of individuality for each person in the box.

  Some artists hope to illuminate this lack of a place by depicting how people of mixed origins may seem to be different and are unable to fit in one category of people, but they are still the same as anybody else. A Netherlands artist, Fiona Tan, explores contemporary Asian-European art in hopes to draw connections between people, their community, and their cultures. Some of her work features changelings – creatures believed to be descendant of fairies, trolls, or any other supernatural creature, that passing as a human. With this direct association, Tan’s work is symbolic of mixed-race children not fitting into a specific category from what is ‘natural or normal’, but still embracing the idea that people of mixed origins are still essentially human and should be accepted as such (Lo, 2014, p. 67).

  Although there are audiences that continue to reject the involvement of topic such as the experiences of living as a mixed-race individual, some artists of various disciplines still desire to bring awareness into society about the multicultural sphere. In the interview about his series of autobiographical albums, Logic reports “I wanted to tell the stories of other people who may not have the voice I do… I felt the necessity to discuss these things, because I am proud to be me, I am proud of where I came from, and at the same time, it’s also bigger than me” further elaborating how the albums – specifically “Everybody” - are a “celebration of diversity, within and around Logic” to discuss the world and how regardless of who a person is or how they identify, they deserve to be accepted and viewed as an equal by others (Horowitz, 2017).

  All people are people. It’s the environment I grew up in, not recognizing how one ethnic or racial group stood out among a crowd of people, but the more I matured, the more I realized that all those faces gradually began to look the same. The minority races are undoubtedly sprinkled around the predominantly Caucasian crowd, but the sparse multiracial faces are drowned out in the crowd. I never really noticed before, because it’s what I had always seen. On television, on YouTube, even on Netflix and Hulu. The scariest part is, it never seemed out of place. Even though I could resonate with the few African American faces, or the couple Asians on the screen, I never had those multiracial people I could look up to and aspire to become. As shocking as it may be, being multiracial had culturally become a concept that even seemed foreign to me.

  White. Black or African American. American Indian or Alaska native. Asian. Native Hawaiian or Other Pacific Islander. Two or more races. They are just boxes after all, so what does it matter if you become lost in the masses of your box. Who knew such a little box could be loaded with so many people. So what box do you check?

• Musician Autoethnography by Zachary Oyster:

  “We can do it, we can do it, if we try” sang Mimmima. I sat at the piano next to my grandmother while she composed a song we created. The lyrics consisted of the top line being said differently with each changing progression. I remember it was a Saturday, I was in kindergarten. We first started by writing the lyrics, then transferring piano notes onto the score.  My base musical interest stemmed from my grandmother, Mimmima, who loves to sing and play the piano. Throughout my childhood, my twin and I would travel to our grandparent's condo every weekend. Every weekend Mimmima would play the piano, and my brother and I would listen. Mimmima would play one song frequently when I was a kid. The song involved a developing story of growing plants, and a tempo that slowly sped up. The kids would dance around while she played and cooperated with the dialogue in the song. When she said, “The farmer’s coming”, all the grandkids would drop to the floor and play dead. When the farmer left, we would dance around again. My grandmother played a large role in introducing me to music. Her grandfather was a well-known riverboat pianist in St. Louis. Her influence would spark my initial interest in music. 

  My father lived in Kansas City since I was six. After my mother and him divorced, we added a monthly trip to KC in my childhood. My father is a professional trombonist in the Kansas City Symphony. When my siblings and I visited, we would attend either a rehearsal or a performance. The concert hall boasted world class acoustics. Every sound from every instrument meshed together to create a powerful environment. I can imagine I was amazed upon first experiencing this, but as time went on repetition made it less exciting. Still every time I visited my father, I was influenced by a symphony setting. My father is an extremely talented musician. In my early childhood we would listen to classical music in the car. My father had a mouthpiece, which he didn’t use, in his cupholder. In car rides my father would place the mouthpiece up to his lips and buzz a tune like he was playing the trombone. My father would talk to me about his job endlessly. I’ve come to learn the dynamics of a professional musical setting, and how those dynamics conflict with each other. My siblings and I used to watch Pixar in the living room while he practiced in the basement. Beginning his practice sessions with scales, and a routine (I can still hear it in my head). Playing one section repeatedly until he got it perfectly, occasionally getting frustrated with his work. My fathers’ discipline in his practicing promoted my success. Listening to him practice would help develop my skills exponentially. 

   Practice methods have been passed down through the years since the beginning of music. Influential teachers like Suzuki created the framework for musical practice. Practice techniques cater to the individual musicians' talents, but the important methods of perfecting music are used everywhere. Four common steps of practicing are: Explore, Smoothen, Listen, Re-work + Technique (Nielson. Siw, 2010). The first step is rather self-explanatory. The explore stage is when the musician introduces himself to the piece. Explore is a good adjective; You lay your eyes on uncharted territory. This stage is the most interesting while also being the most tedious. Constantly stopping and starting to correct miscued melody’s, or misinterpreted keys. This process is the least creative part of learning a piece, focused exclusively on playing the correct notes at the correct times while also gaining familiarity with the piece. Exploring a piece can be very exciting if you enjoy how it sounds. A critical component of exploring is listening to the piece. Musicians utilize their auditory skills by listening to the piece, and then translating that sound to their practice. Listening is a crucial feature of musical learning, because it gives musicians an all-encompassing idea of the piece without playing it (Nielson. Siw, 2010). Smoothen is the step that follows the initial stages of explore and listen. The smoothen stage begins when the musician knows the piece and can play it at the recorded tempo. Essentially the musician is working to make the piece sound as clean as possible; Working technique and modifying any rough sounding spots. This step is important because it allows a musician to focus on the little things, and perfect the piece as much as possible. 

  When I was in early elementary school, I began to play the drums. The drums were a good instrument for me to start on. I had been influenced by pop culture and the rise of Hip-Hop. The tempo and the snares seemed a great place for me to start. When I began on the drums, I learned them quickly. My teacher was Ron Silverman (A man I have a lot of respect for but haven’t seen since).  I first learned where to place my arms to reach the snare and the hi hat at the same time. I then learned how to use the foot pedals to slap the base drum, and open/release the hi hat. One of the things I found very enticing about the drums were the hi hat rhythms. The hi-hats were used to keep the base tempo. Once you created your base tempo, there were many different drums beats you could create. My teacher met with me once a week, for a thirty-minute session. I must admit I did really enjoy the drums, but my motivation to practice was slim. My mom used to tell me to go practice. I would go down the steps to the basement, and she would follow me. Placing her earbuds in she sat, read, and listened to me practice. The drums allowed me to recognize tempo a lot easier. Learning the different rhythms allowed myself to be opened up to the rock world of instruments. Knowing tempos and rhythms would greatly contribute to my success as a musician.  

  One summer my brother and I attended a camp hosted by my drum teacher, and his brother. The camp was held in a home near south St. Louis City. My brother and I joined around 10 other campers every day for a couple weeks. The Silverman’s had a basement with two highly defined drum sets, pianos, wind instruments, and much more. The Silverman’s were primarily rock artists but taught all musicians regardless of their music preference. There I was introduced to the duet. My brother spent his time practicing the piano. The two of us came together to decide what we would perform. The camp held a recital every year at the end. I either had to perform a solo or collaborate with others. I chose my brother and we began working towards creating a song. 

  David first created the melody. The piano is a great tool for creating melody’s, the drums are more for adding kick and keeping the pace. We decided on a rhythm and began practicing. It was interesting to perform this exercise at a young age. I didn’t recognize it then, but this taste of collaboration would influence my musical talent moving forward. As David and I neared the completion of our piece, we began preparing for the recital. At the end of each day my brother and I would play our piece the entire way through. Each day we would perform our piece to our peers, in preparation for the recital. Finally, on the day of the recital, David and I performed our piece “Tupper wear” (Name not chosen by us). The performance highlighted a slow tempo, coupled with a fast-paced drum rhythm. I threw in a little spice midway by throwing one of my drum sticks in the air and catching it. The basement was dark and fog machines lined the sides. It was a true Rock and Roll setting for a not-so-rock performance. This was likely my first recital ever. I did not know then, but I would end up completing many more recitals in the future. Being introduced to recitals at a young age allowed myself to overcome initial fears and grow familiar with the performance setting. 

  The drums lasted until about fourth grade. At that point, my interest for the instrument had dwindled. I enjoyed playing the drums but did not see it as a long-term thing. With my permission, my mom sold the drum set to a private school for underserved boys. I did not think I would play another instrument at this point. My sister had begun to play the violin, but nothing indicated I would be learning this instrument as well. 

  Fourth grade begun and one day our grade was asked to meet for an assembly. Not knowing what the assembly was, I followed my peers. 

  The day my name was called, it was not expected. I stood on the risers with my fellow 4th graders and waited to hear who was listed. I thought I was the only person who could sign up: In fact, parents could also list their child’s names.  

  My peers and I, whose names had been called, were given a case. The case was hard plastic, the color dark navy. Inside the case was a violin. The wood smelled f; When I picked it up in my hands it felt frail, almost like glass.  I was instructed thereafter, to be careful with this fragile object. It was light: slightly heavier than cardboard.  Its shape was oddly twisted and contorted. It felt firm against my shoulder and soft on my face. The material was smooth. I ran my fingers along its edges. This apparatus was carefully constructed. An overarching hazel coupled with soft stretches of canyon brown painted the frame.  A long neck protruded from the top, with the body widened at the base. Two craters lied on both sides. An assortment of browns glittered the frame; Natural products remain the most important ingredient.   

  Shortly after I had inspected my new tool, A woman with short white hair and black glasses proceeded to label the components. Moving her fingers along the object, she explained what every piece represented, and their role and functionality. The teacher walked towards the case and introduced the most important object. “This is the frog”, she said. Handling the bow with care, she gestured towards the shiny white rope: “Be careful not to touch this: you will get it dirty”. Now holding the object, she gestures towards the base. “Under the cuff is where you place your rest”. I gazed at the unnatural amber patterned over this new device, little did I know this object would curate who I am today.  

  The next day, I had moved on to using my new toy. Initially it was difficult. I couldn’t quite wrap my head around how to achieve results. After approximately thirty minutes of instructions by my teachers, I had figured it out. During the first months of my exposure, Instructors began to recognize talent. I was advised to find a master. Someone I could learn from and could teach me ways to improve. Shortly after, I was attending sessions with my short haired teacher. I will never forget my short haired teacher, Jan.  

  Over the course of the next three years, every week I would session with Jan. Every week I had a list of requirements and lessons I had to know by the next. Every week my skills improved. I began working with large groups of other talented connoisseurs of this tool. The first time I cooperated with other individuals, an explosion of color and amazement formed in my brain. The waves vibrated and bounced across the room, all colliding and joining. In the middle forming a collage of creation. I was stunned by how many people could work so seamlessly together, and how bright it was. From then on, I had gained a new motivation for improving my skills.  

  Motivations for musicians can be external or internal. In the case of professionals, intrinsic motivations have been profiled as the key components of improvement (Schmidt. Charles, 2005). Such motivations consist of:  Improvement of Ego (show skill: gain confidence, complete tasks, live up to expectations), Task/ Learning (Grade, effort), Individual Orientation (Performance in small settings, display of skill, and show of personality and effort (Schmidt. Charles, 2005). When I asked my father what motivated him to continue, he replied saying he couldn’t afford to stop spiritually, or financially. He values music too much in his life to stop. In terms of young musicians, external motivations have been revered as most influential. (Paston. Tim, 2015). Such motivations consist of: Parental, and Instructor (teacher) motivations. Individual standards provide internal motivation. Fear of failure has also been labeled as a large motivational factor within young musicians. In many cases, the parents are the ones influencing their kids to practice. Young people have high energy; It can be difficult to influence a teenager to practice his instrument. Many young talents engage paid instructors to improve their skills. With paid instructors, sessions occur as frequently as requested. Normally with a flat fee per timed session. These sessions have goals which progress every week. Instructors can be very hard on their students. Instructors normally give a student a piece to learn, as well as other exercises to perfect. A good instructor can be the difference maker between a professional violinist, and a mortgage banker. External motivations would play a large role in my success as a musician. 

  Over the course of my high school career, I continued to attend weekly sessions, as well as collaborate in large group projects frequently. My skills had grown; Jan was close to retirement. So, sadly I found a new teacher. The expectations were now higher, and so were the requirements. Every week I would travel to a location to perfect my craft in the light of a professional, and every week I would improve.  

  My junior year of high school marked my proudest year as a violinist. The previous two years I had auditioned for the Missouri All-State Orchestra. The auditions consisted of four very difficult excerpts from the All-States repertoire that year. The excerpts boasted difficult fingering, and intense speeds. The excerpts had been very strenuous the last couple years, and I hadn’t put enough effort into both previous auditions. I knew I was slacking off because I was unmotivated to be in the orchestra. Junior year came along, and my mother wanted me to accomplish something big. The All-State Orchestra is a huge recognition, but I wasn’t sure I was committed to the effort. After long talks with my teacher and my parents about the benefits of this experience, I decided I would really put in a lot of effort to learn the pieces. Five weeks before the audition, I began working on the excerpts. 

  I had been taught many ways to learn a new piece. To begin, I first listened to all the excerpts. Listening to the excerpts allowed myself to set a goal for how the piece should sound. Mimicking the recordings would give the excerpts a professional feel. Listening to music is a critical component of learning music. My father claimed listening to music was the strongest component of learning.  

  After listening to all the excerpts, I began dissecting them. I began first with excerpt number one. I first turned on my metronome to half the suggested tempo of the excerpt. Working the excerpt at a low tempo would be the most efficient way to learn. Learning a piece at a slower tempo allows the musician to perfect every component of the piece, without stressing over the tempo. I would play the piece until it was perfect, and then increase the metronome by five, or ten bpm. As well, I would change the rhythm of certain sections of each excerpt. Changing a four-bar rhythm from 4 quarter notes, to two eighth notes and three quarter notes allowed my fingers to become accustomed to the music. This strategy was introduced to me by my father, and my previous teachers. 

  Every day I worked for hours perfecting the excerpts until the audition was two weeks away. Two weekends before my audition I traveled to Kansas City. I told my father how I wanted to win this audition, and how I wanted his help. That Saturday my father coached me through the excerpts for nearly five hours. Already knowing what each excerpt sounded like, I played each one through for my dad. His first reaction was not the best. He told me the excerpts were not as ready as they should be, and how he would make them perfect.  

  The practice session began with the first excerpt. The first excerpt contained five lines of quick tempos, and many notes. The piece was fast. I had to play each note within tempo, but at the right key. Any slip up would provide the judges with a reason to reject you. The piece had to be perfect. My father instructed me to slow the tempo. We slowed the tempo and began perfecting the notes. I played the first line of the excerpt repeatedly, gradually increasing the speed. After one line was completed, my father would instruct me to move to the next. After almost 90 minutes on the first excerpt, we were ready to move onto the next. We completed the same strategies for each excerpt. First listening to the excerpt, then slowing the tempo to a tempo I could play perfectly. My father also instructed me to change the rhythms of the notes, like I had done earlier. We worked and worked until each excerpt was perfect.  

  Following the practice session, my father was very proud. He left the room to tend to his practicing, while I continued. I played each excerpt repeatedly at the suggested tempo until each sounded perfect. I finished that practice session feeling very accomplished. 

   Musicians are opened to an environment which promotes discipline, and grit. The musician community widely values hard work. To improve significantly, you must practice diligently. Professional musicians’ practice on average 4-6 hours a day, student musicians' practice between 1:30-3 hours a day (Chaffin. Roger, 2008);(Lisboa. Tania, 2008). Practicing is an integral component of being a good musician. Music is just like sports, or any other activity: Practice makes perfect.  Within the music world, practice is an everyday thing. Musicians rarely take a day off from their instrument when a goal is in mind (Chaffin. Roger, 2008);(Lisboa. Tania, 2008). Diligent practice is what makes a great musician, as well as promoting good work habits. Often practicing can be hard. If a piece is new and difficult, learning it for the first time can be very challenging. Roughing through the difficult music is frustrating but rewarding. Musicians must learn to compose themselves and focus on the task (Chaffin. Roger, 2008);(Lisboa. Tania, 2008). In the end, practice is what creates success. 

  Two weeks later I arrived at the University of Missouri to complete my audition. I hadn’t felt the same as the previous two. I walked in confident I would succeed. Usually in a situation like this I would arrive several hours earlier to prepare. In this instance, I was confident to the point I knew I only needed a thirty-minute warm up. 

  “Zachary Oyster” the proctor said. I was led into a room. The room was large, and in the middle was a stand. I placed my music on the stand and faced the large white curtain. Behind the curtain, judge number one said “Name please”. I stated my name and began the excerpts. Each excerpt flowed fluidly. I barely looked at the sheet music; Closing my eyes I focused on what I knew it needed to sound like. I smiled, took my music, and left the room.  

  I wasn’t sure if I would be accepted. The auditions for the MSHA state orchestra were very competitive. I was happy, however, that I’d put in the effort. I was satisfied.  

  Later that night I was elated to see my name on the First Violin roster. I knew that I had put in the work to succeed and had succeeded. 

  Following my experience with the All-State orchestra, my commitment to the violin began to fade. My teacher Marc was moving to New Jersey, and I had accomplished what I wanted. My senior year of high school I practiced the violin frequently, but not as frequently as the previous years. I practiced probably four days a week as my sports and academic schedule intensified. There were no goals to meet, so every practice session was strictly for fun. I love the violin. It sends chills down my back when I hear/ play it. The violin separated myself from the jock image I’d embodied in high school. 

  The processes which allowed me to complete this feat were external and internal. My largest source of motivation for completing the All-State audition was my mother. I knew how happy it would make her and that was enough for me to want to succeed. I was also influenced by my teachers' words. He knew I had slacked off the previous years. He wanted me to prove not only to him, but myself that this level of commitment could be completed. I knew because I was unsuccessful the previous years, I wanted to show him I could do it. I have to admit early on I did not find internal motivation for completing the audition. I wasn’t doing it so much for myself, I was doing it for others. Once I completed the audition, I realized the significance to myself. Accepting that level of commitment allowed myself to grow diligence. I was proud I had completed the audition and knew many did not think I could. My practice methods, as well as my motivation moved me to succeed. I am very proud still of this accomplishment. I recognized my previous faults and moved to improve myself.  

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

• Erik Jungjohann

  Exhilaration is the main motive behind why humans love to participate in action sports. The tendency to take risks is innate and is directly related to the arousal and pleasure mechanisms. Dopamine is the main neurotransmitter that affects the arousal and pleasure mechanism and is naturally released when doing certain activities like having sex or eating. According to (Pain, 2005), “Activities that are extremely engaging, intense, and novel can also trigger the dopamine reaction. Thus, the same mechanism that rewarded our ancestors for acting to stay alive may also underpin the highs afforded by extreme sports”(pg.533). People get ‘high’ naturally after surviving a fearful situation.  This natural high is often sought after again, so people try to repeat that fearful situation in order to get that natural high again. Jason believes drug addiction is just like continuing to participate in an action sport,

   

  “There are levels of drugs. Some are harder than others and it's often the harder drugs that produce a greater reward. At the end of the day, most actions are good for you whereas drugs, in general, aren’t usually as good. Most of the time action sports are exercise whereas drug use isn't. The chemical reaction within the brain is pretty much the same with drugs and action sports, but its the way you obtain that feeling that really matters.”  

  
  After repeated exposure to a fearful/risky situation, the law of diminishing returns begins to take effect and people become conditioned to that danger. With the mastery of skills, an action sports participant will need a new fearful situation in order to invoke that same high they got the first time. This can cause a problem with higher skilled participants; A mixture of overconfidence and failure to mitigate risk can cause accidents or even death to occur. I wonder if participation and risk-taking is solo based on reward or if its a combination of variables that accelerates the process of risk-taking more in some individuals rather than others?

  Jason says that there are different emotional responses with each action sport. He argues that the different dangers associated with each action sport inherently create different emotions, “Navigating the dangers of each sport is what makes them unique and fun. Skydiving is very in the moment. High Intensity of falling through the air crowds your mind in a way that cannot be replicated. A sense of letting go. Same goes into surfing but it's in a different sense. Mindsets are different.” For Jason, the reward outweighs the risk to some extent. For example, if you base jump every week, your life expectancy is one year. You know you wouldn’t participate because the risk is too great for a temporary reward. For Zach, freestyle skiing is a way of expression and freedom, “I guess like, Freestyle skiing because its free and there are no rules or boundaries to what you can do. Able to do more with less, when your freeskiing you can adapt to any kind of environment, whereas with racing you always have to have a big mountain.” Risk assessment/tolerance is at the very core of all action sports and is very subjective on the individual level.  Action sports as a whole have always become riskier over time. People love to push the limits, even if there's a possibility of death.
• Ramapough Lenape Nation by Nakeema Blake-Easton

        

             Being a part of the Ramapough Lenape Nation subculture was very difficult for me, especially growing up, because my family moved from New Jersey, so I was never able to participate in any activities or be hands on in learning the culture. I learned about the tribe through some stories my mother told me and doing any reading that was available. She would explain to me the characteristics of my great-great grandparents and 3^rd great grandparents, who they were, and where they came from. This helped me understand where tribal roots begin before relocating to the Ramapough mountains and I also loved learning about who they were as people.  I cannot remember exactly who was from where but one of my 3^rd great grandmothers was from Ireland and there were two 3^rd great grandparents from Bermuda. I was honestly surprised to find this out and had to confirm the information by looking at my family genealogy to take her seriously. Gathering this information was more confusing than anything and helped me notice the underrepresentation of the tribe. The more I learned the more questions I had. I found myself wondering: What are their true origins and how it plays a role in tribal discrimination? What types of racial discrimination did they face? Why there was hardly any accurate research on the tribe?

            As a child I grew up in mostly white neighborhoods and although this seems like it isn’t an issue it caused many problems growing up. In preschool I experienced racism for the first time and it was confusing because I was so young and did not understand what was going on. In my class there was a girl I was very close with, A, who was white, and we were practically best friends. I can still remember when I called her house, greeted the person of the phone, said who I was and asked the person, most likely her mother, if I could speak to A. “Are you black?” was the first question she asked me, and I of course said yes but was so confused as to why she would ask me that. As soon as I replied she quickly said, “Don’t ever call my house again” and hung up before I could even process what just happened.  I viewed myself just like any other child, but this single event changed my perspective of myself and my mother had to explain to me what racism and prejudice were. It’s unfortunate that many persons of color end up having this conversation where you are told that you are not viewed as equal to many other people and that there will be people who simply don’t like you based on your skin tone. I remember that when she taught me this still feeling confused and only having questions. It wasn’t until I was much older and realized the role that my skin tone played in how some people treated me and viewed me as a person.

           I was able to resonate with M when it came to feeling the need to pick an identity and that has always been a struggle for me. My dad is black and my mother is American Indian but I would always just say I was black and that was always enough for people. It took me a little while to be comfortable with my full identity without shunning one or another. What makes embracing my full identity difficult is not knowing the exact origins of the tribe. It is hard to connect with something that you know little about.

  
• Rock Climbing Culture -- Liam Andrews-Bancroft

   

  “Dude...my ass...ow!

  The 2 by 4 piece of layered foam serving as my landing mat has lost much of the structural integrity that once made it an effective safety tool, and upon losing friction with the rock I was holding onto, I’ve suddenly found my backside in a much more intimate relationship with the rocky ground than I would have hoped. Inquiring hikers are often surprised to learn that falling onto one of these pads is actually quite common-- in fact, it happens more often than not in this sport, and years of repeated landings have turned the once stiff protective foam to mush. At this point, it generally becomes time to retire the crash pad in question and shell out the money for a new one, but this particular pad is a bit too special for me to toss in a dumpster just yet.

  My first interview subject, Ken Warbler is a passionate climber from Western Massachusetts. Ken was my first thought for someone to interview-- as someone who eats, sleeps, and breathes climbing, he is deeply connected to the community and considers climbing an essential part of his life. In our interview Ken explained “As a routesetter it influences my entire work week, but climbing for myself also influences my decisions on how late to stay up, what food to eat, when to have the best free time to get outside.” He also elaborated: “On a day to day basis it will affect my mood, (if i climb well i am happier, if i have a terrible climbing day I may be grumpy.)  Over longer term certain climbing goals give me motivation and something to look forward to during busy or stressful times.”

  In his article “Scaling culture: rock climbing and the embodied nature of spatial knowledge”, Andre Goodrich(2004) explains another way in which climbing shapes identity: it creates a unique spatial awareness. Climbers retain sensory memory of the climbs that they are on, and thus have some sort of bank of spatial knowledge of climbing routes (p.33). This can be seen in the way that climbers often explain detailed sequences down to minute details of body motion and position to each other. (p.30). Through climbing, climbers fill a large space in memory with specific sensory memory of the spaces they occupy.

  Given the demanding, often frustrating, and extremely strenuous nature of rock climbing, it’s hard not to question what makes climbing appealing. On I day I spent recording observations while bouldering with friends in Rocky Mountain National Park, I made note of almost constant complaining. To give just a few examples, I noted “Everyone struggles and various complaints are made.”, “Austin tries another v14. He is struggling and expressing that he is bad at rock climbing and wants to get better”, and “Sam complains about the temperature, his finger tip skin.” However, my interviews, secondary research, and personal experience offered insight into what makes the challenge of climbing so desirable.

  However, there are more complex rewards to completing a difficult challenge. For example, Ken explained that one reason he finds climbing so satisfying is because it allows him to “put tremendous amounts of effort towards something in which failure does not have real world implications.” Similarly, Martin Wood explains that climbing creates more simple challenges than what humans are faced with in their day to day, and that by fulfilling these challenges, we are able to break free from the drudgery created by life in a modern capitalist society (p.265).

  In Movement Climbing and Fitness (an indoor climbing gym), I observed two women helping each other on a boulder problem, many climbers giving each other belays and socializing, two men chatting about climbing plans for the weekend, and two teenage girls bouldering together. Very few people in the gym were climbing on their own.

  Robinson(2016) suggests that trust between climbing partners is actually capable of creating a unique vulnerability between male climbing friends. She suggests that beyond the actual life-or-death trust climbers must have, climbing can be a deeply emotional activity (p.97). By exposing a climbing partner to one's climbing process, a climber shows an emotional side of themselves which extends outside of the stoic expectation for men in modern society (Robinson, 2008, p.97).  Martin Wood(2016) also reinforces this suggestion by explaining that climbers share common ground through their taking on of extreme circumstances. In sharing these experiences, they build trust and intimacy (p.277).

  I also noticed on both of my observation days that there was a distinct lack of racial diversity among the groups I was observing. Everyone I interacted with on my day outside was white, and the gym only had about 4 non-white people despite being located in a heavily black and latino neighborhood. Ken commented on this saying “I think there are still a lot of barriers whether they be financial or social that make climbing a pretty white-male dominated sport.”

  However, Philomena noted that her own experience she had found the climbing community to be quite inclusive, stating that she had never seen climbers treat each other differently based on race, class, gender, or sexual orientation. She also stated ‘I think that it’s one of those things that anyone can do so it brings in a lot of different people like age-wise, personality wise, body type wise” and when asked if she found the climbing community to be inclusive she answered “Yes, I think I see it a lot in climbing club (at DU) especially. I never see someone who is sitting by themselves looking alone and sad.”

  It’s strange that this little mat as had such significance in my life. Its presence isn’t something I generally even pay attention to, and if I do it’s usually because I’m grumbling about having to carry it. However, whether serving as a catalyst to the forging of some of my greatest friendships, or coming along disassembled in a duffle bag on my most miraculous adventures to new states or countries, it’s been by my side through experiences trivial and grand. I think for now I can forgive it for not keeping my bottom quite safe.
• First Day of Classes
  

  Autoethnography

  By: Kiki Shoemate
  

      The first couple of weeks was hard until I found club called Black Student Alliance. The University of Denver’s Black Student Alliance is an organization dedicated to promoting cultural awareness and solidarity on campus. This is a group that is set up for the colored students to be able to come together and talk about things they go through in their lives and or at school. I remember walking into the carnival that DU puts on that includes all or most of the groups organized on campus. I was alone and kind of overwhelmed by all the people around me. So many conversations going on and people handing me their flyers telling me to join and be a part of their group. An African American girl, long brown braids super nice and seems easy to approach came up to me and said, “no no no, come here you have to be a part of this group”. I wrote down my DU email knowing I probably wouldn’t attend this group but handed it to her anyway. Thursday came, and I wasn’t busy and bored, I remember getting flyer for the Black Student Alliance and decided why not give it a try. Attending the first meeting I was kind of nervous going in there especially since I was alone and didn’t know anyone there but being able to feel as comfortable as I did in an environment with many different people I did not know I decided to stay. Once the meeting was over I realized that that group is something I need to be in. For me it is a little stress reliever and I look forward to every Thursday’s meeting. It made me realize that I wasn’t alone and there are people on campus that faces similar challenges as I do.

   
• Women in Professional Business Fraternities

  By: Elly Larson

  Professionalism. This word runs through my mind as I scan the lecture room. College kids are dressed as the adults they’ve always wanted to be. The adults who they’ve looked up to and defined as successful. Boys are dressed in suits that are wrinkled from being shoved into the rest of their luggage. Girls pace in their heels and smooth out their trousers or pencil skirts. I could feel the energy in the room: motivation and eagerness. Leaders sit towards the front of the room with serious looks on their faces while pledges excitedly find their Big Brothers. All dressed up with the shiny and small object placed on their chests that they would look incomplete without.

   

  A member reaches out and places the delicate piece in my hand. Smaller than a fingernail, the cold metal brushes my palm and I feel a sense of accomplishment knowing this was well-deserved. My efforts are recognized and I’m taking leaps forward to becoming a true member. The other pledges seem to be having the same thoughts I am. This moment is one that can only be earned and we all know we made it possible for ourselves to experience it.

  With a crown placed in the middle and a triangle outline, the design isn’t the most attractive. It isn’t a fashion statement or expensive accessory, but rather signifies my own professionalism and hard work.

  The object was a pin for the professional business fraternity Delta Sigma Pi at the University of Denver. While this pin holds a strong meaning for me, I wondered how being a part of a business fraternity impacted other female college students. From my own experience, I recognize that I value the fraternity because it gives me more confidence to work amongst professionals and intimidatingly intelligent peers. Mainly, I wanted to find out if these other women have found positive results from being involved in a business fraternity and if they feel differently about their abilities.

  Women working with other women prove to have positive results. Studies have shown that in an all-female organization, women have an increase in motivation and a decrease in competitiveness (Croson, 2008, p.3). This suggests that when females work among other females, they are typically working harder and will be getting along better with their group which will lead to better cohesion and effectiveness of their work. This concept might also be applied to female groups like intramural sports, sororities, and women-oriented clubs. Another study examined the differences between females working with a male advisor and females working with a female advisor. The results showed that female students who have a male advisor tend to accept a job that contains more skills and research than a female who works with a female advisor (Hilmer, 2007, p.425). Based on this experiment, it could be possible that women in college do need to have experience working among other males. Therefore, joining a business fraternity in college and having male college students as teammates and mentors could facilitate stronger confidence among female students by encouraging them to feel more capable in a higher position in the future.

  From conducting interviews with women in Delta Sigma Pi at the University of Denver, I found comfort to be a major theme from being a part of a business fraternity. Mollie, a senior at DU and a member of Delta Sigma Pi, shared her experience with me and the changes she has noticed in herself. After interviewing Mollie, I chatted with Tatum, a sophomore at DU and member of Delta Sigma Pi, who also recognized that she feels more confident in a business environment as a result of being a part of a business fraternity.

  A major theme that occurred was the feeling of comfort that Mollie gained from being a part of a business fraternity. Mollie feels she is more comfortable when talking to important business workers, such as professional speakers or those who interview her. She explained to me how the fraternity prepared her for any networking situation and said, “as a woman, it’s just made me more comfortable in those situations because of how we practice”. Mollie felt that being in a fraternity has made her feel more comfortable than she would’ve if she wasn’t involved because “it’s so accepted in the business fraternity and there’s a pretty balanced number of women and men”. As a result, Mollie practices communication in the fraternity and then feels more prepared when speaking during interviews. Another reason for this comfort Mollie has is because of her surroundings with other women in the fraternity. Mollie noted that “other women trying to do the same thing in a fraternity” leads her to foster the skills of dressing professionally, speaking with professionals, and networking. In a different interview, I found that Tatum’s year in the business fraternity led to her speaking abilities improving and that the way she “conducts herself in a room setting” has grown to be fuller of confidence. Since she does sit on the executive board of Delta Sigma Pi, she has experienced circumstances where the number of men in the room compared to the number of women has been daunting for her. The “male-dominated presence” has caused her to feel insecurities at times, but she has found ways to become more confident with herself and what she knows she is capable of.

  During my observations, I also saw the comfort that comes from being a part of a business fraternity. We all were gaining familiarity with the members around us during chapter meetings and when we walked into the room and the President led the speech, I was surprised by how official the process was. We had to pledge our commitment to the fraternity and verbally promise to do our best work. I could tell that this was an environment where I would always feel like I was working with people who were taking things seriously. The big and little reveal showed me how easy it was to become comfortable within the business fraternity. However, I wondered if all the pledges felt as comfortable as I did. Was everyone paired with someone they fairly knew? Were some of the pairings random? Looking around, I saw a lot of smiles and conversation, so I judged that the pairings were made to the best of their abilities. The pledges did seem to be more “immature” than the members. By immature, I mean that it was clear the pledges didn’t know what they were doing or what they should be doing. So, even the pairings of bigs and littles who were in the same grade still made sense because the bigs had more experience within the fraternity.

  The pin is new and contains no scratches or dents. It shines with its fresh metals and commands the attention in the room. While my pin may not have a story, I will have a story with the pin. It will be placed on my clothing throughout my events as a member of Delta Sigma Pi. It will follow me as I make speeches for leadership roles and attend workshops. It will demand attention as I interview for Investment Banking careers against that sea of people.

  From generation to generation, the crowned pin was placed on the pledges to remind them that have been accepted, but also that there is more work to still be done. When doubts cross my mind, I look down at the pin and remember that I am capable of anything I set my mind to. A tiny item gives me the confidence I need to open myself up to possibilities and believe in my own intelligence. While distractions surround us all, the other members and I are reminded of why we are at college. We are here to become professionals in our passions and that pin will guide us on our way.
• Margaret Bassett- Happy to be a WEMT
  

  The bell rings, and I catapult myself out of bed. I grab my jacket and backpack, hopping into the back of the truck. Sirens blare as we rush, hike, climb, and drive to our newest destination. Adrenaline pulses through my veins as we hike the treacherous terrain in the mountains of New Hampshire. My heart races as I cross the stream, the mountains, a once beautiful sight, stand as my team’s biggest enemy other than time. My back aches as I lug the forty-five pounds of shiny material through the woods. The cool mountain breeze crosses my face, and I forget for a second that this beautiful place is also a place of danger.

  I am grateful for this split second of peace and my time outside climbing the mountain. The climb and the equipment in my bag bring me comfort to the new situation. I am standing with twelve other rescuers that I know so well that they are practically like family. In fact, many EMT's and medical workers feel this connection between each other. Rocheleau an Emergency Medical Services (EMS) researcher explains there is an unspoken language in the EMS system. We learn to read a situation by facial expressions, codes, sirens, and chimes on a radio. He describes the calm and peaceful feeling that washes over the medics after an accident has been resolved or the split second before the ambulance doors open (Rocheleau, 2017 n.p).

  Jumping to the End of my Essay

  For me much like the split second when the ambulance doors open I had no idea what to expect of the the test besides that fact that there was a practical and long online computer adaptive test (CAT). My name was called and for the first time I was alone without my team or my bag. As the test continued I realized that I this test was something I had in a way been preparing for my entire life. I smiled at the last couple of multiple choice questions. They consisted of cardiac emergencies, blood sugar regulation, treatment for broken bones. For once in my life I was thankful to be the girl with the heart condition who has fainted one to many times and had a broken a couple of bones.

  I walked out of the testing rooming sad that my clinicals and class had come to an end. I thought about how close my group had become and how no two days, moments, people scenarios are the same. That is what made this group so special. Every person in the group had a role. From the tireless driver who took classes on fast safe driving to the climber who casts the lines on the extremely steep terrain to the people in the back who are with the patients from start to finish whether it be a one hour call or a sixteen hour rescue.  I am privileged to be the one certified to sit in the back, helping to saving lives. This seat is special to me and to many others. I know that hundreds have sat in this seat before me and many others will sit there after me. This is a seat where I started observing other EMTs as they took vitals on really sick patients, watched as the crew comforted someone as they were being transported to a hospital. This fourteen foot place and the place that surround started feel like a second home. I am proud to say I am Margaret Bassett a WEMT how can I help.
• The New Age Sneakerheads- Tito Cueto Jr
  

  As I called PacSun every day of the last full week of June up until the release date this is the response I received. “Hello, this is PacSun at Park Meadows, if you are calling about the upcoming Yeezy release we are unsure if we will be receiving them please call back at a later time”. Only to keep calling and hear that same message over and over again. After having seen a tweet by PacSun stating “Available at select #pacsun stores” with a picture of the shoes. I had assumed the PacSun at Park Meadows mall would receive them. I clearly remember having requested this day off of work weeks in advance just, so I can have a chance to purchase a pair of these shoes. It was June 27, 2015. I was 16 years old not knowing what I was really getting into.

  We fast forward to June 23^rd, 2017 the day my sneaker passion shifted. That is the day I purchased my first bot, a checkout software that helps increase my odds of purchasing shoes. My friend and I, Angelo, had met up at a breakfast spot to discuss this investment on going halves on the bot, it costs $325. We bought it solely for the Yeezy release the following day June 24^th. The Yeezys that were releasing were named Zebras, a new colorway that had yet to be released. The retail cost of the shoe was $220 and was selling for $1000 and up. I vividly remember the day of this release. I was sitting down on my bed at around 7 AM, really having no clue what I was doing I just started up the bot put in the link and the sizes I wanted hoping it would magically just checkout. After many hours that morning the shoes sold out, and I got zero pairs. Little did I know, what that day had in store for me. Today, I now have a folder in my Gmail account titled “YEEZY SUPPLY”, that contains all the email confirmations I have received for Yeezys. I have my own preorder service where those who are interested can obtain these shoes through me while avoiding the hefty premium cost and difficulties of purchasing them. I have mastered my setup for Yeezys so what I thought would happen when I first opened up the bot, actually happens. My brand name is ALPHACUETO. After having moved to Texas in July of 2017, I became alone, and very tunnel vision on myself and what I wanted to do. “ALPHA” is inspired by me leading the “pack”, my friends, and teaching them the ways of how this sneaker game works. Then following the word ALPHA is my last name, I feel that It’s an honor to represent my last name and everything I do in this business is ethical and I hold myself to it. I now have a team of 8 hoping to be known in Denver, and soon the greater public. I’ve seen many people come in and out in the short time that I have been doing this. I truly believe that this is my passion and I will continue to do it regardless of how much money I will be profiting.
• Insight into the motivation of students choosing to join a religious group on campus- Crystal Mancilla
  

  When I was in fourth grade my teacher asked me to partner with another student to work through math problems. Everyone quickly chose their partners. But as I was going to work with my friend at the time, the teacher pulled me aside; she told me that there was a student who needed extra help. Unbeknownst to me, this classmate was in the special learning program, as he was partly dyslexic. So the teacher thought I was a very patient person who could help him out. I readily agreed; despite some other students snickering and making side comments. I  sat facing him and smiled. And the words he said have and will forever remain with me: “I’m sorry you have to work with me; sorry I’m not smart enough”. When he said this, I automatically felt the sorrow and shame he had in his eyes. I remembered the holy cross and a quote my grandmother had recently shared with me from Matthew 22:39, “Love your neighbor as yourself”. Now, it may be because I practice my religion in Spanish, but I feel like those five words are so powerful. When I think about those words I feel calm and compassionate toward any situation. I replied saying, “Don’t apologize. You are smart and we will get through this with flying colors”; not something you would think a fourth-grader would say. So we got to work and after the fifteen minutes were up, he had completed the given math problems with little to no difficulty. And since that personal experience, I now realize that my personality is a mixture of the Catholic religion and personal views. Yes, sometimes it was and is hard to not pay attention to distractions such as rude comments. But if you really believe in yourself and always remember that the cross symbolizes hope, positivity will radiate from you to the universe and back.